About Aging, Mistrusting One's Judgment and How SHET Thinks
Q: I am disturbed. I don't understand the period of older age. On one hand, I associate it with entropy and deterioration, senility and lack of independence. I am bothered by that concept as somehow it doesn't sit well with my inner truth despite what I outwardly see. I don't want to return to youth; however, I do love feeling healthy, vibrant, loving life. Why do we age the way we do? Is it due to a marked rigidity in our beliefs and thinking only? Does our psychic blueprint destine us to physically deteriorate? Do I have to slow my rhythm? What does that mean? I would really love to learn and experience all the beauty of life and I would love to know what a beautiful older age is. How can I re-evaluate to reveal new aspects of the fun part of "older age"? Besides eating well, using present extra therapies, exercising and doing what I love to do, what can you suggest to me to work on? I don't know how to ask this question very well, so you will have to read into it and help me along.
David Bohm said: "The way we see is the way we think." You said of yourself, your "thinking, is". Do you direct your thinking from awareness? Do you willfully focus? How do you stimulate yourself? Do you willfully fix defined constellations?
Shet, I am not sure that I should trust my judgment. I shall not feel complete without satisfying the desire of my lifetime. I want it so much that I am willing to spend a fortune on doing just that. On the other hand, I can't disregard my financial security. I can't think rational here.
Let me start with your trust/mistrust of your judgment. Both trusting and mistrusting your judgment is a thought, only it feels much better if you trust your judgment. That does not say anything about your judgment, only about the emotional content attached to a structure. A thought, any thought is a "Structure". It is a structure of relations. When you relate to this structure of relations, you either empower or weaken its potency of action. When you mistrust your judgment, you weaken your action and by that bring about hesitations and further complicate that structure. Now. If this structure's information content relates to your desire as in the case of what you want to do, then you attack the structure of your desire. This does not weaken the desire, it only makes you terribly frustrated, which causes you to feel ill at ease regarding your judgment. This still does not say anything about the rightness or wrongness of your decisions. Only think: if you cannot trust your judgment, then what can you do? There are several options: 1) Nothing, 2) get more frustrated by proving to yourself that you cannot trust your judgment, 3) find someone else to decide for you, 4) devour your own structure, 5) decide to discard this way of thinking.
The only valid interpretation of a right judgment is in retrospect, when the one that took the decision is happy about the outcome. That again depends on the general outlook of the person and how he chooses to relate to things. Some people are never happy with results, no matter how far these surpass their expectations. And others are almost always happy thinking it could be worse. That too, is a matter of perception.
The quality of life you are seeking is very much dependent on the above and the solution of such-like inner conflicts. When you become aware of such, analyze the structure instead of focusing on the rightness or wrongness of the information held therein. That ensures that you achieve being in integrity with your decisions, which is taking responsibility for them. How to decide when you can never be sure of the outcome of your expectations? Life is uncertainty to a very large extent. So how can you take rational decisions? You can make a priority list of what you want to achieve, in what you are willing to invest money, energy, time, emotions, etc. As you very well know, on every choice there is a price tag, risk included. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. You can even lose when it seems absolutely certain that you win and vice versa, you might win where failure seems sure according to every possible parameter. Also, look at your past pattern. When were you successful? See what you felt when you took those decisions that brought you success. Use all these to embark on adventures. And the main part is, understand that an emotional desire is just that, an emotional desire, and in the end, you will find a rational justification for it. So why bother yourself with self-doubts, why torture yourself tantalized by the object of your desire almost tangible and then allow it to recede into the abyss of wrongness? Why try to overprotect instead of growing? Why constrict your growing appetite when with the same energy that you try to quail your vitality with, the desire - the motive force of action - you could expand to fulfill your voracity, which is the kind of life-force that balances aging by wanting to live?
Isn't it uncanny how one tends to urge the failure side of the scale to outweigh the success side when one starts aging? Or is it perhaps aging that allows such deterioration of perception as one's eyesight weakens? Feebleness causes insecurity or perhaps, it is the other way? Might not distrust of one's own judgment devastate the agility of youth? Could unwillingness to be wrong raise the issue of necessary certainty in the future? Where is the adventurer? The little frightened good girl grew up, and learned, and acquired experience, and learned, but to what end? To stand in front of the mirror and find decrepitude of will and body, or to dare to live?
Yes, dare to live, that's the best anti-aging potion.
I do not willfully fix defined constellations, only the underlying lawfulness that stabilizes such. My thinking, is, means just that. Yes, that is a kind of awareness, you could say, awareness of my thinking. You are not very different from me in that, only how we think is different, and I am trying to teach you how I think. Blessings.
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